yesterday should have been one of the best days of my life... but it wasnt. i felt like dying, so i got angry and cried.
my dad came back over to england for the weekend so he got to meet luke(my boyfriend of almost 3years) for the first time. and luke got to meet my step mum, dad, and 2 little brothers.
so we went out to a pub friday night and chilled out, some of my other family was there too... like cousins, aunts etc. so joe and sherry came along too, which was cool.
we had a really nice evening.
on saturday we were invited to a massive pub crawl piss up but me luke, joe, kat and sherry didnt go because luke was celebrating his birthday with a curry, PS2 games, and beer .
on sunday me and luke were invited to a giant get together thing at this place called the fancott arms(a cool family pub/resturant with a miniture train ride for kiddies).
me and luke had some problems with gettin there as my dads not insured to drive in this country, and on saturday mum had a fit about how much she hated me and my dad and how hes a bastard who left her when she was pregnant and how hes never gave her a penny. so mum refused to drive us.
the she changed he mind, and thought she would invite herself along. i knew that this was going to be akward as my mother is still obcessed with my father whoi left her 18 years ago and has a new family now. and my dad just cant stand her because shes an alcoholic fat loser!
oh yeah and mum also invites liam and his friend along.
so we sit down trust my mother but all she wants to talk about are extreem controversial topics. such as my dads mother(who hate me), how much my step mum must feel jealous(i dont think so mum) and 'oh john(my dad) remember that time we went skinny dipping'.... AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
so i thought i was surviving ok, we were embarressed and could feel that everyone felt pissed off and akward with my mother.
befor we arrived there we had decided that we would leave at 6.30/7 as our friend joe was comming to hang out with us.
it gets to 6.45 and mum suddenly decideds that were now going to stay for dinner, and that i had to tell joe we wont meet him. so i go text him.
i come back, and mum says, 'are we going now then?' aaaaaaaarrrgh
BUT to make it worse. she starts making out im the bad person for wanting to leave. i mean i love spending time with my brothers step mum and dad but i didnt want to be around HER! i wanted her to vanish.
so then my step uncle John(he has special needs so he likes my mum) teams up with her and says you can see your friends every day, which is true... but honestly i couldnt stay there any longer with the way she was acting. and to top it off, because we were leaving liam has a strop and sits in a chair with a jumper over his head crying and refusing to move. so now we cant leave. he wont get in the car. god damn it boy. i mean i wouldnt mine if it was the people. but he didnt kno anyone. coz we hav differnt fathers. he just wanted to stay for the train. what a brat!
of and there was some bastard at the var aswell who seemed to think i had no brain(because im blonde?) i will kill you!

Ok im not pregnant or planning on being so dont worry. I'm just slightly obcessed with havin babies at present. So i thought i would write some cool names down before i forget, and i hope it scared the pants off my boyfriend and my dad! HAHAHAHAHAH!
ok here we go:

BOYS

Seth
Ethan
Kai
Travis

GIRLS

Ivy
Jessica
Charlotte
Abigail

Ivy is my nans name i love it and i love her, but shes dying(she has Multineuron disease); so i have already decided to name one of my children after her. so i hope whenever i do have them, that i have a girl. i was thinking of having Ivy as a first name, and Jessica as a middle name, because i think Ivy Jessica sounds so sweet. What do you guys think?

yes i am just about alive. sorry for disapearing like that, i have been checking your work, but i have done nothin myself. although it was the summer i found myself spending less time on the PC. gotta go speak soon. x

well for the past three weeks i have been completing my colege work as it is now the end of the year. it has taken so long and its been hard work and quite stressful. i have now finished altho i have next week working at my local lower school. then i shall have more time for me. hopefully i wont be as stressed- my health will hopefully improve. then i will be able to concentate on myself get some work put on here and totally calm down.

being so stressed with college has put a huge mental, emotional and physical strain on me- and today im paying for it

so i guess this is just my way of telling you i havent dissapeared of the face of the earth and im still alive. i wil be speaking to you all soon no doubt. and if any one wants to talk to me on msn my adress is littledevilhorns@hotmail.com

take care everyone. love lisa x

i feel like i have this monster inside my chest and everyday the hole for it to escape out of me is gettin bigger and bigger and it makes me feel kinda empty and evil.


coz all im thinkin about is revenge and im not usually like that.

serious heart break and anger in myself at the moment.

i feel a bit unpredictable.